Now that something like the light at the end of the tunnel can be seen again, a time tunnel of a year and a half in which social life outsid...
The many, forces together have also had very different effects on couple relationships. Some (and that's more than the annual average) separate because they realized that they couldn't stand each other anymore, while others used the time well to (again) deal more intensively with each other. And others are just now realizing how much routine had quietly crept into their relationship, even if it still works.
Routine in a relationship does not mean that it is (or has become) bad. But first of all, you got used to each other. Routine means trust and reliability, closeness, and friendship. Unfortunately, it still means all too often: little or no intimacy. Without intimacy, however, the deep connection that distinguishes couples from friends fades away in a couple's relationship.
So far, so clear.
By the way, with this, you will not only make your partner happy but also your wallet because the love toys mentioned below will be many times cheaper.
What does “without intimacy” actually mean, i.e.: where is the benchmark? At what point is it enough, but perhaps too routine, too much "always the same"?
And: how do you get it to crackle again?
Researchers at York University found the following in a study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science: Sex a week is optimal for a happy life - because couples who are more intimate with each other are not happier! But couples who do it less than once a week are unhappier!
That sounds very reassuring - wouldn't it be imaginable if the result had been "daily"! In general, you only get that in the initial phase of falling in love, in the full "hormone rush", after 12, at the latest 24 months this high spirits subsides in almost everyone, and life as a couple "normalizes" ...
Although – “normalizes” itself. Is it "normal" if you love each other less often, more routinely? Or is "normal" more like replacing quantity with quality? Because we now know each other well, e.g. B? The answer from consultants and specialists is creativity and variety!
It doesn't always have to be the much-advised surprise trip to a romantic weekend, with roses and sparkling wine on the table and a starry sky over the bed, because these are - even in non-Covid times - delicious but exceptional situations.
And in everyday life?
- To Flirt
Yes, you could e.g. B. Remember how nice flirting was in the beginning. Eye contact, soft, tender touches, small, ambiguous words, or code words that only the partner understands - if this doesn't happen anymore, you should activate it again as soon as possible! Nothing is as good for both of you as knowing that the other still finds you attractive and exciting! A little tutoring, e.g. B. with a new hairstyle, with sexy underwear, or something that stimulates your partner is always a good idea.
- Head Cinema
Then: Talking about sex, daydreaming, and wishful thinking, which can also be hot, gives many an unexpectedly great pleasure. Words can really get under your skin, especially when they're filled with admiration for the other person!
- To Celebrate
Having time to let yourself go, without stress (because of work, because of the children, because of any problems) is a silver bullet - because it nurtures affection and mutual trust. You should really celebrate yourself again. Perhaps the best way is with a real pampering program, which initially doesn't aim for a "happy ending", but rather to make each other extremely comfortable, with candlelight, music, warmth, water, cuddling, whatever.
- Breathe Together
As banal as it may sound: breathing together, getting involved in the rhythm and the depth of breathing of the other, helps couples to completely adjust to each other. Take your time - that's actually the big secret, and: fill this time with creativity and tenderness.
- New Car
It is also important to keep mutual interest alive: daring to try something new, something you don't know exactly how you feel about and how it will be received by the other person.
This can e.g. B. that you consciously spend more time separately and independently of each other - but always with the aim of being particularly attentive and open to each other when you get together again.
All of these are tips from experts who have been dealing with lust, love, intimacy, and the various possible problems with it for a lifetime. Everyone also agrees that every couple should set their own rules and try out what is good for them. And try again and again. As well as always being clear about it: with problems of any kind, only a good culture of debate, respectful and loving joint discussion and resolution, helps. Because intimacy should never be a substitute for, but always the culmination of, a good, loving relationship.
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